I have juggled laundry, cleaning, cooking, babysitting, volunteering in Nate's classroom, applying for jobs like crazy, sending my weekly emails as my "room mom" duty calls, playing taxi driver, and finding anything and everything to keep my incredibly active and sassy little girl busy. I am not complaining don't get me wrong.. this is what I signed up for. However, I officially have a renowned respect for mommies that make their babies, the house work, and taking care of things at home their full-time job! I am so sick of hearing "you don't work right?" I swear the next "wise guy" who refers to me as "unemployed" will get a swift kick them in the teeth. Just because I don't go to an office or in my case (a classroom) everyday does not mean that I do not work. I have worked harder staying at home then I did teaching hormonal 9th graders!! I have also come to the conclusion that I am a MUCH better mommy when I work. I love my kids to death don't get me wrong...but staying home is just not for me..it takes so much patience (which I don't have) and it was beginning to wear on me, both physically and mentally. Shit. I'm just gonna put it out there...I was feeling down, ate every time I got bored, dressed like a damn bum everyday and became "that mom" that drove her kid to school in her pajama's...yep I did...I REALLY DID! LOL I used to always laugh at "that mom" I used to think "geeze you have all this time on your hands the least you can do is get dressed" Well look at me now....nothing like calling the kettle black right?! I totally get it. You start to focus so much on the house, the kids, the hot meal on the table, the perfectly polished tile. etc. that you slowly start to lose touch with yourself. I basically became fixated with perfection, or as some people may say had "too much time on my hands to obsess about all the little shit". In the meantime, my appearance went by the wayside. OK OK I admitted it..WOW that feels much better...
With that being said....I GOT A TEACHING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, that's right. Just when I had finally convinced myself that I was so fortunate to get to stay home ( even though I was looking like a hot mess everyday) and to just enjoy these years with my kids (which is very true) knowing that I will never get these days back...yadda yadda...I was content with my full-time job that was nothing more than M.O.M.
Honestly though, I feel so very lucky that I was able to stay home with Alexa for so long, and I will cherish these times forever...but I will admit it all came with a price. We have been really struggling, it has been hard on our marriage, hard on my self-esteem and I started to feel that I wasn't the mom I wanted to be. It got to the point where getting ahead seemed more like a dream than a plan. I was becoming very discouraged. After working my tail off to get my degree then teaching credential all while owing over 20,000 in student loans, I wondered if I would ever get a job. However, I stayed persistent and never let my praying knees get tired.
As of next week I will be teaching full-time at a Middle School in Torrance. Although the job is a temporary contract (very common these days) it is a full-time paying job until June and I am going to work my butt off and do everything in my power to make it a permanent job. And...well... if I don't get something permanent then I guess I have one more piece of experience to add to my resume :) As of now, like my dad always tells me I will just try to take it all in and take things "one day at a time".
My wheels have been excitingly spinning as I prepare for my new job. It is going to be a grind teaching three different grade levels but I have always been game for a good challenge :) It is also going to be bitter sweet dropping off the kids everyday (in the wee hours of the morning) and no longer being the first mom in front of the school when the bell rings (even if my clothes didn't match and my hair should have been washed two days ago) LOL I do know one thing though...my kids are in the best hands and at the end of the day, I know they will be happy... because mommy is happy!
Thank you to all of you who have believed in me, prayed for me, encouraged me, hung out with me when I looked like a H.O.T. Mess (totally kidding) and lent me a shoulder to cry on when I felt like I just wasn't good enough. You know who you are..and I am incredibly grateful for your continued love and support. With that being said.
Until I blog again....xoxoxo
Nichole <3
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